I used to be a person of the world, wallowing in the pleasures and desires of the flesh and laziness. I would sleep with my girlfriend, masturbated just to pass time, watched pornography, engaged in sexual talks with others, flirted with other women, lusted after many others, bought sex toys, over ate, and cursed like a sailor; (whilst calling myself an adult). I was obsessed with the sex, like it was a drug or something (lust) and I was also always wondering if someone wanted my girlfriend and became enraged. (envy). I also didn’t much care for the scripture at all (I was afraid that it’d cause me to stop sex). I talked my girlfriend out of her walk towards Christ for that very reason. As a result, she started loving me more than God. Heck, I had my beautiful girlfriend who I planned on marrying (6 year relationship), I didn’t have to worry about rent and became arrogant/filled with pride, was abusive to the special needs kids at my job for fun (wrath), had friends who were almost as bad as me, and was satisfied to let others do for me. I became content and stagnant; no longer seeking more out of life or putting forth any effort to go places (sloth). I was just some over weight sinner (gluttony). I was arrogant and proud (pride).
Then, it all happened in 2011. My past brain tumor grew back (the doctor said, “if you don’t get it operated on, you WILL die.”) That’s pretty scary coming from your doctor)., the surgery was a success but my life was again threatened with my head pumping out too much CSF (google it). So, I had another surgery to put a shunt in. That shunt failed, so another was installed. I had radiation treatments (30}. got fired from the hotel I worked in, and I got fired from a school I worked at later in the year, Then, the truly crippling thing happened. I came down with radiation side effects which caused swelling in my brain and a loss of some cognition (balance, memory, nystagmus in eyes, left eye stuck staring left, drooling, slurring speech like my mouth was full, could not swallow food so it came out through my nose, could not get an erection, double breathing at times, mild hallucinations of a bright light behind my eyes that shined, and feeling like my eyes were moving around my face) On top of that, I lost all of my friends, but not my girlfriend. No one else could understand me when I talked, but she could. That is still so precious to me. Sadly, she broke up with me from being stressed out at my condition (I believe this to be a lie and she broke up because she was “setting me free”). Ultimatly,she told me goodbye when I explained that my love for her will never die. I was upset. I was depressed and hurt. I tried to accept the fact that she was gone, but then I felt something. I loved her, that went without saying, but what I felt was a love that was more powerful than anything ever ( a love that makes you do anything for that other person regardless of you or what happens), true love. I knew that she is the one.
I was lost. I didn’t understand what happened. Here I was, happy and on top. Now, I was this broken and disabled guy. It was sad. I wondered why God had this happen? Why was I being punished? I thought that he hated me. I started going to church for guidance, looking for some solution. I needed to know “Why was this happening to me?” Shortly after that, I made a decision to get my own bible, understanding that God hates no one, and things happen for a reason. About a day after I had it, my speech improved a little.
I read passages, scriptures, verses, and started living a more Christian lifestyle, meanwhile slowly getting back my physical traits that were gone (speech nearly returned to normal, balance has gotten much better, and everything else is recovering). I joined a church in my neighborhood, and look forward to Sunday service. Meanwhile, I read my bible daily, no longer cuss, don’t masturbate ( nearly for 2 years so far), I’ve lost 60 pounds, attend college, and am I great man of faith.
Now, all that remains is her. I am waiting on her to come back. God told me to just wait, to “Stay” and endure my situation. I’ve had visions and signs from God that point to her return to my life. So with faith, I’ll wait for her. I still love her very much after all, and I can say that with a big smile. I may have lost all my friends, I may be in a home situation that I’m not pleased with right now, but I have faith and hope that it will get better.
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